he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
