dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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