She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
