dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
