I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
