I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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