I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
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