Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
