Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
