he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize