How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
this is an emotional support booty call
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
