I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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