i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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