I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
