I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Randomize