i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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