I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
