the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
