The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
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It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
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My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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