Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
