Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
