she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
