You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
