What a fucking waste of an outfit
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
