Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
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I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
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My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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