I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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