So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
