Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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