I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Screwed.edu
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
