just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
