wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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