your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
If that was your dad, he is hot
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
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Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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