3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
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