He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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