I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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