Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
