I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
