In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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