He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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