Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
