that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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