My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
