Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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