see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
