i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
