I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Randomize
