dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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