I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
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He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
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I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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