I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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