i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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