saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
