well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
