Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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