Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
