found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
