There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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