No stitches, just platelets and will power
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
