well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
