Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
