My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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