just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
My vagina just clenched in fear
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
