well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
