My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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