i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
