grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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