so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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