yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
worst night to have a conscience
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
