My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
