all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
