sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
