I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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