Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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