My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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