Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
