My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
